This is a special time in the morning for the last few nights. Ma;ia has chosen this beloved hour as a time to eat. I have no problem with that because I understand these little bellies cannot hold enough to make it more than 3 hours- I understand, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't appreciate it being different. What part I do have a problem with is that it is this particular feeding that she decide to be bright-eyed and there is no going back to sleep for about 2 hours. I have faught this over the past few days, and in some senses of the word that is literal. It has made me feel like a horrible mother, I am even more tired in the end and it makes for a bad day following. So tonight I lowered my expectations- I had Jared move the rocker into our room and I remembered to bring my computer upstairs and I told myself I would get out of bed for this feeding. So far so good- Malias eyes are still open, there has been no fighting and I am improving my one-handed typing skills.
I just love my support group! I didn't come to these lower expectations on my own. I must given credit to myself, number 1, because I can't help but be honest when people ask how things are going. I had taken Corban to Co-op so I could go to a meeting for work- and actually this mother was so thoughtful that she offered to swing by and pick him up rather than me drop him off. That was a huge help, as I do not yet have my timing down with packing up an infant. When I picked him up she asked how I was doing and true to self I let the true be known and she gave me some words of empathy and encouragement. I saw another mom from Co-op as I was dropping off her son. Again, when asked how I was doing I shared a little and asked some questions on how she deals with crying babies. Just having others understand what you are going through and validate that you aren't completely crazy helps a ton!
And then there is my loving husband that tries so hard to be what his wife needs- that can be quite a challenge! Expecially since I don't even know what would help me. And sometimes the loving attention just makes me more irritable. Poor Jared. Just having him around and trying to pick up the pieces for me makes life a little easier. He is a great father and excellent husband!
Thank you to everyone who is caring for our little family. We appreciate the phone calls, emails, and dinners we have been given. We are more than willing to share our little girl with your loving arms- she loves to be held :)
1 comment:
Oh it's hard right now, and you are not crazy! I remember being angry--seething angry--in the middle of the night at Ashley. The next day I felt so horrible (this happened more than once). you have a lot on your plate right now with a job and a baby! Even though you're super mom ;), you're still human with fallible emotions and feelings. The newborn stage is KILLER and Corbs is still a babe himself! I feel for you. I wish I was there to help. My girls would GLADLY open thier arms to hold thier cousin.
hang in there. It' will get better. Earplugs work wonders if she won't stop screaming and there is no reason she's crying.
Love ya.
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