To Be or Not To Be...

That is the question. Jared and I are contemplating taking in a 14 year old girl who is 5 months pregnant and needs a host family for the rest of her pregnancy. My interested was peaked in Relief Society when the announcement was made because we are always looking for ways we can be more charitable (Jared is good at this, so I am just trying to make a contribution). I am so pro adoption because of Heather's involvement and getting two beautiful children that have a great life because of the hard decision their birth mother had to make. So I took the question to Jared whether or not this was something I could look into further. Of course he said yes, so I received the actual inquiring email:
Subject: host home
I am working with a family from San Ysidro. There is a 14 yr old girl that is pregnant due in early November. She was still getting encouragement from family to have an abortion and the birth father (who is 20 years older than she ) suggested she just leave the baby in the trash. I am speaking with her older sister who is advocating for adoption?. I'm going to meet with them tomorrow morning. The sister is hoping I can find a "host home" for the 14 yr old so she's away from bad influences. Her mother suggested giving the baby to the brother but the sis told me he used crystal meth?.. Sooooooooooooooooo??.. if you know of anyone who might have a spare room and a heart for this young girl, would you forward this email?
Thank you and God's blessing on you.

When reading the email to Jared we talked about some concerns we might have. Jared specifically brought up the fact that Mexican culture are very tight knit families and if anything were to go wrong or she decided she didn't like something we were doing she could get her boyfriend or brother to come make a problem for us. There is also the issue of stealing that has to be considered. So I sent an email inquiring more:
I heard about the need for a host home for a 14 year old pregnant girl. I am interested because we have a spare bedroom and I am always for supporting adoption as my sister has adopted children. I do, however, have some concerns for my own family (I have a 7 month old baby and we are currently finishing a remodel on our home..but we do have a spare bedroom that is complete) with the situation that this young girl is coming from and would like to discuss them further if you are still in need of a host.

I then talked to someone from the adoption agency to get more information. In addition to what I read in the email, this young girl has decided on her own that she wanted to give the baby up for adoption, contrary to her mother's encouragement to get an abortion. The family is quite poor and the home she is living in is over populated with a lot of crazy stuff going on- therefore, not an environment for a young pregnant girl. They would like her to have a "host home" mainly so she has a better influence and financial situation, but also because they don't want extended family to know of the situation. She will be doing home study for her schooling and as soon as she chooses a family for the baby, they will be the one to take her to appointments. When I asked if she was a good girl, the response was that she seems well spoken and mature for her age. So we would be providing her room and board, occasional rides to appointments or other places she may need to go, a more comfortable family environment, and a safe haven from bad influences.
Is this something I am really up for? I wouldn't be concerned except for what other people bring up as things to be concerned about- her background and whether or not she is a good, honest girl, her performance in school up to this point, the invasion of our privacy, and the time commitment this will be. I actually worry more about whether I am prepared to discipline a 14 year old. In my mind she would just be like an adult, knowing right from wrong and always choosing right to avoid negative consequences- obviously this isn't so. After talking with my mom and a friend about it, it made me think about house rules that would have to be vocalized- everything from our expectations of how she keep her personal space, chores we would need her to do, time spent watching TV (ha, she will be sorely disappointed if she likes TV since we don't have cable) or movies, to being firm about how we view honesty and integrity and how if there is ever a question as to whether or not she is stealing or lying to us we will have to have her leave. What else haven't I thought of?
We are trying to arrange to meet her and to be able to talk more with the adoption agency about her background. That might clear my mind to make the decision. Jared is pretty much going to say yes if I want to do it.

On the other side of life is the question as to how much to donate to Prop 8, protecting marriage between a man and a women in California. It has strongly been encouraged at church to be vocal of our position on this proposition and so make a non tax deductible donation to the cause. When I got the donation slip it had boxes you could check with amounts of $50- $5,000. We have yet to turn it in because we have not been able to decide on an amount. Then tonight we were one of the chosen few who were visited by the Bishop. This was the first time I have actually spoke with and received direction from Bishop Wilcox since he was just called at the beginning of this month.
He of course started out by finding out how we are doing and thanking us for our involvement in the ward. Then he talked to us about Prop 8 and our need to help in preserving traditional marriage. A few years ago Prop 22 was voted on that made marriage between man and woman the law, but just recently it was put to vote by 7 judges, with a 4-3 majority voting for same sex marriage. We are now trying to amend the California Constitution to state that "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid and recognized in California." The sad thing about this is that the people already voted and made a decision to preserve traditional marriage- then judges voted and changed the law. So we are working to get people to vote again and vote YES on Prop 8. I told him how I have a difficult time explaining the WHY to people that are not devout to religion and don't have a testimony of family like we do. He talked about the "coat tail" of consequences that follow behind what seems to be a small issue. Though we don't know and can't know all that would follow if traditional marriage is not preserved in the constitution, but we do know that we are suppose to do all we can to support the sanctity of marriage and family. The Family proclamation is fabulous in defining this for the world.
He discussed the importance of making a donation to this cause and that it should be a generous donation. We told him we have been planning on donating, we have just not been able to decide on the amount. He again talked about making it generous- it should stretch you a bit, to the point that you feel an "ouch". I think it was at that point that both Jared and I thought to ourselves the amount that we should donate. I really liked to have the visual of "ouch", as that put it into terms that helped determine an amount- which happened to be more than double what we had been considering at first. I guess that is why I never felt at ease with the amount.

So that is what has mainly been on my mind. Corban continues to be his happy cute self. He is getting more and more mobile every day. His favorite things to do is to travel to the TV cords and play in them (strangulation hazard) or crawl to the edge of the carpet where it meets the tile and pull back the carpet (occasionally he pulls out carpet strings which could be a choking hazard- but I don't think he eats them). He is still loving his bouncy horse. I think he is starting to get the hang of rhythmically bouncing. Today was the first day I have let him play with wood blocks. He was very entertained for some time. He was just talking away as he banged them together, gathered them in his arms, and put them him his mouth. He is still loving solid foods. He enjoyed his first bite of peaches on Sunday. We haven't had much luck with nursing. I got really mad at him last night when I couldn't get him to nurse and I was positive there was milk in there and he WAS hungry. I ended up having to feed him a bottle because he just wouldn't eat from me. As I fed him the bottle and pondered my reason for being mad, I determined I express my sadness through anger. That could be quite enlightening for other times. But in that moment I decided that I would just allow myself to be sad about it. I will keep trying nurse for the next week or so, but if he won't do it, I will let him have it his way. I guess I didn't realize that it really is the baby who decides when they are done. I just wish it wasn't so soon. How can he possibly desire to have formula over yummy breast milk? I have considered pumping, but every time I have tried (since the last 5 1/2 ounce bottle last week) I only get about 1-2 ounces. Not enough to make it worth the time and energy. This is why I need another baby to be on it's way.
We experienced an earthquake today. On the first tremor Jared said, "That must have been a HUGE gust of wind." I said as I looked out the window, "That was no gust of wind. There is not even a breeze outside. It was a tremor." Maybe 10 seconds later the second tremor made it's way through. We all (Jared, Wilson, Corban, Matthew- Stephanie Martins baby, and me) just stood there. Afterwards I thought, "What if that would have become something huge and I didn't make any attempt to run for cover and protect my baby?"

To bed I go as I hope to get up early and do some more yard work- I am slowly picking up on all the things a house wife is to do. I must say, house wives work rather long hours.